4 Guidelines For Asking Out My Daughter

Digital communications are improving aspects of our relationships. I know far more about my acquaintances and long-lost friends than I would without Facebook. I enjoy keeping up with what’s going on and staying in tune with former colleagues and the business community through LinkedIn.

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Digital communication is also a crutch that has cheapened certain relationships.  We hide behind technology, firing off emails without thinking about the person behind the digits.  How many emails have you seen hurt feelings, where, the same words, spoken in person, could have been communicated without any ramifications?

Not until recently did I consider the ramifications of digital communication for dating. With a sister in college, daughter in junior high, and a son rapidly approaching “the” conversation, these types of things are on my mind.  Do young men these days ask their dates out by email? By Facebook?  With a SnapChat?  Somehow, I can only guess that the answer is yes.

If you’re that nonchalant about a date with my daughter, you’re probably wasting your time. It’s most likely that you don’t think she’s as precious as I do.  So after a bit of deliberation, here’s the advice I will give to my son and what I will expect from those asking out my daughter.

Be Her Friend

Start with a friendship. It’s probably best that you get to know each other before you go out on a date. Hang out in groups and chat with her in the hall. Be her friend.

If the first time I hear your name is when you ask my daughter on a date, we have a problem. Get to know who she is and let her get to know you as well. Be genuine. Show her the type of man you are and why you would be a good date.

It’d be great if our family had the opportunity to get to know you as well. If you’re worthy of a date with my daughter, then you’re probably someone we’d enjoy getting to know.

Ask Me

Call me old fashioned, but if you want this to work, you will approach me first.  Listen, this has nothing to do with control, or anything else that the world would have you believe, it has to do with the simple fact that she’s my daughter and I love her. My daughters are the most precious gifts I have and my job is to provide for and protect them.

I will ask you a few questions. I want to understand your intent. You’re taking my princess out.  This is a big deal. I expect you to take care of her for the duration and treat her with respect. Remember, I’m trusting you with my most cherished gift.

If you don’t think it’s important to ask, or you don’t want to have this conversation, then you probably don’t understand just how special my daughter is.  And if you don’t get how special my daughter is, then it would be silly for the two of you to waste time getting to know each other on a date. My daughter deserves nothing but the best.

Ask Her

Go ahead and ask her out. Use your creativity; this one is up to you. Just make sure that it won’t bother you when she tells me the entire story.

Trust me, she will tell me the entire story.

Ask In Person

A woman’s heart needs to be nurtured and cared for. It’s fragile like a rose. Beautifully crafted, but easy to destroy.

If you’re going to ask my daughter out, you’re playing with her heart. I expect you to treat her like the treasure she is. I’m trusting you with my most precious gift. Your relationship may not go any further, but that doesn’t mean that this isn’t a big deal.

If she’s not worth taking the time to talk to, what is it that you’re communicating? Are you too busy? Do you lack the courage? Is she worth fighting for?

A woman wants a man to fight for her, to sweep her off her feet, to treat her like the jewel that she was made to be. If the first step of a possible relationship with my daughter is only worth a few keystrokes, then I’d rather you get back to your computer, play your video game, and let me take her out next Friday.  Trust me, we’ll have the time of our lives.

Oh, and the same thing goes for our conversation.  Be a man. At least give me a call.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. plain graces says:

    I have a son about ready to start dating in groups and it never occurred to us for him to ask the father before asking a girl to a dance. Is this common? Just curious- I don’t want to give bad advice to him.

    1. David DeWolf says:

      Given that my oldest is only 12, I’m not really sure. I’d expect you’re right – that it’s not “common”.

      My oldest son is 10 and when the time comes I plan to him ask his date’s for two reasons. First, I think it’s a sign of respect (for both the young lady and her dad). Perhaps more importantly, though, I’m convinced that it will help set the tone for the occasion.

      If Joseph treats the process of asking a young lady out with the proper respect then I believe he is more likely to not only hear, but truly understand the responsibility he is undertaking. And if he understands his responsibility, then, he is much more likely to remember what he has been taught and make the right decisions even when they are not easy. If a man can muster the courage to ask a father, then he’ll be much more likely to muster the courage to take a stand for what is right when the time comes. For me, it’s mostly about character development.

      On the flip side, when my daughters are old enough to date, I plan to have a conversation with them much like the one in the video from Courageous above. While I won’t expect a young man to proactively ask me first (simply because it’s counter-cultural), I will expect him to have a conversation with me before any formal or serious date.

      And by the way, I think that you’re right on target by starting with group dating. Keep up the good work!

  2. Noah Ilene says:

    If a guy went around me to ask my dad first it’d feel like he were implying I was some kinda female real estate. I understand this tradition is born of romanticism, but…

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